I am so very sorry for your pain and your loss that you are going through right now. My understanding of your situation and of the suffering that you are experiencing must be just a trifle compared to the incomprehensible horror of the reality which you are facing each day. Although there are no words that I could summon that would relieve you of your sorrow and grief, I thought that I would write this letter to you so that you might know that I am thinking of you and praying for you as you endure the anguish of your present circumstances.
I also wanted to share with you some thoughts about suffering that I have discovered recently in my study of the book of Job. I could not help but think of you as I studied this book. On the one hand it would be unwise and unhelpful for me or anyone else to try to compare one person’s suffering to another. The circumstances of Job were exceptional, no doubt, and quite different from your situation. But I do think that many of the general issues surrounding human pain and suffering seem to apply equally well to the modern world as they did to the ancient world. My intent in offering these insights to you is to encourage you and not to preach at you. You will find no suggestions in this letter on how you should behave or think; rather I hope that you might find some observations about Job’s suffering that encourage you during your time of suffering.
My first observation from the book of Job is this: the writer of Job does not minimize the reality of pain in the life of one who is hurting. The text of scripture conveys without criticism the deep sense of despair and loss that occurs in the wake of calamity. In some ways this observation runs contrary to the thinking of some Christians that I’ve met regarding the reality of suffering in the life of a believer. The series of catastrophes that hit Job were physical, concrete disasters: terrorists and nature destroyed his monetary assets and murdered his employees (1:14-17); a tornado ripped through his oldest son’s house and killed all of his children (1:18-19); and severe physical diseases tormented his body (2:7-8) and rendered him unrecognizable to his friends (2:12). It seems that many Christians today are of the opinion that the proper reaction to pain and suffering in the life of the believer should be to “count it all joy” and rejoice when disaster strikes. But the example of Job counters this flawed view of a believer’s response to suffering. The text never suggests that Job was wrong for recognizing and reacting to his immense suffering. Rather it gives a straightforward account of Job’s response to these waves of personal calamity as if this were a valid and expected response. For example, Job 2:11-13 records how Job silently sat in a pile of ashes at the local garbage dump, immobilized by his loss and mutilated by his diseases. His first words in chapter three record his desire to escape his suffering through death, an indication of his utter despair of life. The many speeches by Job further express the reality of his pain, all without condemnation.
My second observation from this book is that friends may often disappoint during times of suffering. Words spoken from a sincere heart and with good intentions may have the opposite affect and actually cause further grief to the suffering soul. Job’s three friends thought they were doing a good thing by voicing their opinions and giving recommendations about the circumstances of Job’s suffering. Eliphaz stated at the end of his first speech that his intention behind the giving of wise counsel was for Job’s own good (5:17). Yet Job’s response to Eliphaz reveals that his words have been of no help at all. In fact, Job describes the “counsel” he has received as treachery!
To the one in despair, kindness should come from his friend even if he forsakes the fear of the Almighty. My brothers have been as treacherous as a seasonal stream, and as the riverbeds of the intermittent streams that flow away… For now you have become like these streams that are no help. (Job 6:14-15, 21)He later reveals to them that their hurtful words have made them ‘miserable comforters’ (16:2). Yet the three friends continue to give Job their advice with little regard for his basic need of compassion. They seem to have it all figured out and proceed with amazing indifference to give Job “what he needs to hear” (18:2). According to Job, what he really needed was someone willing to just listen (21:2). It is important to note that God condemns these unhelpful words of Job’s friends and requires them to go to Job so that he can intercede for them. (42:7-8)
It has been my experience that most Christian friends are very well-meaning and offer their words with good intentions. Yet the fact remains that many would-be comforters hinder rather than help with their words. Just like in Job’s situation, most friends of a suffering person have not experienced the particular set of circumstances that are unique to the sufferer. They are therefore not qualified to determine what is best for that person. Job knows that, were their positions exchanged, things would be different (16:4-5). Additionally, many people offer trite one-liners such as “God works all things together for good” or “just look at the bright side” which prove to be unhelpful in the least and may ultimately do untold damage to the individual. The three friends often gave platitudinous suggestions to Job: “Practice what you preach” (4:4-6), “Just rejoice” (9:27), and “I would seek God if I were you” (5:8). What these people do not know is that the hurt experienced from these encounters actually becomes another source of grief that adds to the burden of the one in need of comfort. Please know that I am praying to our God that such unhelpful advice from would-be counselors would be minimized in your situation.
A third and final observation from my study of Job reveals that God desires to hear the open and honest cries of his people. As one who enjoyed intimate friendship with God prior to the onslaught of his circumstances (29:4), Job presumed that he could speak honestly before God. After stating that his life would “come to an end without hope” (7:6), Job turned to God with a simple plea: “Remember, O God” (7:7). A few verses later Job spoke the following words to God: "Therefore I will not keep silent; I will speak out in the anguish of my spirit, I will complain in the bitterness of my soul” (7:11). Examples of the open and honest speech of Job before God abound throughout the book. Job felt the freedom to let God know the depths of his suffering. In his first reply to Eliphaz, Job’s cries of agony screamed out to God for death: "Oh that my request would be realized, and that God would grant me what I long for! And that God would be willing to crush me, that he would let loose his hand and kill me” (6:8-9). In surprising boldness that would shock most Christians today Job elsewhere declared the cruelty of the hand of God upon his life:
With great power God grasps my clothing; he binds me like the collar of my tunic. He has flung me into the mud, and I have come to resemble dust and ashes. I cry out to you, but you do not answer me; I stand up, and you only look at me. You have become cruel to me; with the strength of your hand you attack me. You pick me up on the wind and make me ride on it; you toss me about in the storm. (30:18-22)
Astoundingly, God accepts this speech as heart-felt worship! In the epilogue of the story, God reprimands Eliphaz with a surprising revelation:
"My anger is stirred up against you and your two friends, because you have not spoken about me what is right, as my servant Job has. So now take seven bulls and seven rams and go to my servant Job and offer a burnt offering for yourselves. And my servant Job will intercede for you, and I will respect him, so that I do not deal with you according to your folly, because you have not spoken about me what is right, as my servant Job has” (42:7-8).
Note that God repeats the fact that Job has spoken what is right about God, emphasizing the divine stamp of approval that He placed upon the honesty of Job.
God listens to the language of lament. The book of Psalms emphasizes the fact that He desires every child of God to express to him even the darkest emotions of the soul. The laments contained in scripture serve as models for how we can express ourselves during periods of grief and sorrow. These inspired prayers form the largest genre of songs within the Psalter. Over and over again they validate the fact that the various dark emotions that are experienced during true sorrow and grief can be expressed openly and honestly to God. The psalmists routinely use language that we often would dare not utter to God. Yet God accepted it as heart-felt worship. All lament psalms, except for one, contain some positive expression of confidence toward God. Psalm 88, void of any positive note of confidence in God, reminds us that there is room in worship even for the tortured soul who cannot muster even a single phrase of gratitude. My encouragement to you as you go through these times of suffering is that you feel the freedom, as Job and the psalmists did, to express the feelings of your heart to God. Cast off any restraints that have been placed upon you by the rigid expectations and requirements of those who may dissuade you from being honest before God.
It has been my goal in this letter to encourage you with a few observations from the book of Job. I hope that it is helpful to know that God does not minimize the reality of pain and suffering in the life of a believer. My prayer for you is that your painful experiences with unhelpful ‘counsel’ from well-meaning individuals will be minimized. Finally it is my sincere desire that you discover the freedom of speaking your feelings openly and honestly before God, who accepts your heart-felt speech as worship. Please know that I am so very sorry for your suffering and your painful circumstances. As best as I am able, I grieve with you and lift my voice to God on your behalf.
Yours truly,
Matt
